In the week that saw the BBC reissue on iPlayer their 1995 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice (in a well-timed marketing response to its promotion in the Barbie film) I happened to have two conversations about the insidious and potentially destructive issue of proud arrogance in the workplace. Looking beyond Colin Firth in a dripping wet shirt it seemed an opportune moment to consider whether pride deserves the association with arrogance and conceit that it receives in the novel or whether instead we should join Aristotle in considering it to be “the crown of the virtues”.
Pride as a virtue
The academic literature on pride reveals an almost overwhelming positive definition. Pride is regarded as a fundamental human emotion that is positive and self-conscious and a key motivator of socially valued behaviour. Its purpose is to acquire, enhance or sustain our social status in terms of being valued by others. It serves to develop our self-esteem, which is a positive view of our self that enhances our wellbeing and is derived from our comparative social status and acceptance by others. It is associated with our most meaningful achievements (Tracy and Robins, 2007) and motivates us to achieve our goals (Williams and DeSteno, 2008).
But self-esteem is also associated with narcissism – another concept that draws bad press. In his book, the Narcissist Test, Craig Malkin suggests that narcissism is in fact present in us all as it represents our “desire to feel special”. He suggests that we all need a dose of “healthy narcissism” to maintain a healthy sense of self-worth, but this still begs the question as to when does narcissism turn dark and nasty, in the same way that pride can have a dark side?
The importance of belonging and status
The importance of pride stems from the fundamental human need to belong to a social group. All human societies form natural hierarchies, based on differing levels of power and status. Higher status individuals have greater access to resources and more control over decision-making. Our social status therefore affects our quality of life and our chances of survival, as it impacts our access to resources and our sense of belonging. Demonstrating actions or abilities that are highly valued by the group therefore enhances our status, or what Pierre Bourdieu calls symbolic power, which is the prime target of social life. Pride facilitates this acquisition of status as it is the emotion generated by the reactions of the group to our socially valued contributions and achievements.
Authentic versus hubristic pride
So, why then does a display of pride evoke such negative feelings in others? Cue Elizabeth Bennett: “I had not known you a month before I felt you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.” This is where Tracy and Robins (2007) suggest that there are two facets of pride: authentic and hubristic. Authentic pride is associated with words such as confident and accomplished, is seen as prosocial and achievement-oriented. Hubristic pride is associated with arrogance and conceit and is seen as over promotion of the self.
So, if authentic pride is “good” and socially advantageous and hubristic pride is “bad” and can potentially detract from us achieving our goals (as in Darcy failing to secure Elizabeth’s consent) then how can we distinguish between the two? Tracy and Robins suggest that authentic pride derives from unstable yet controllable causes, such as effort or hard work, whereas hubristic pride stems from more stable, yet uncontrollable causes, such as ability.
Carol Dweck’s concept of mindset makes a similar distinction, which suggests that a growth mindset could be associated with authentic pride and a fixed mindset with hubristic. What we see with a fixed mindset is that people tend to get stuck and unable to progress in terms of learning or achievement. Is hubristic pride therefore more about protecting and maintaining status rather than on enhancing or acquiring it?
Gaining status through hubristic pride and dominance
Cheng, Tracy and Henrich (2010) suggest that the two forms of pride are associated with two different ways of achieving social status. Authentic pride is associated with status gained through prestige, which is the recognition of skills, success and knowledge. Hubristic pride is associated with status gained through dominance, i.e. through fear and control of access to resources.
In the rather fixed class structure of Regency England we can see hubristic pride from those with dominant social status. Cue Mr Darcy: “Could you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your connections?”, and from Lady Catherine de Bourgh on the prospect of Elizabeth marrying her nephew: “Are the shades of Pemberley to be thus polluted!”. Elizabeth responds with demonstrating her own hubristic pride: “On marrying your nephew I should not consider myself as quitting that sphere (in which I grew up). He is a gentleman and I am a gentleman’s daughter”. These conversations do nothing to further the relationship between the two people involved, which suggests that engaging in hubristic pride exchanges is decidedly toxic.
Pride based on fear
These displays of hubristic pride arise when there appears to be a clear threat to the person’s dominant status. This suggest that this form of pride is triggered, as is a fixed mindset, by fear, and the fear comes from a perceived threat to status. Perhaps this is due to this form of pride being dependent on uncontrollable causes, so arrogance is actually an attempt to instigate some form of control to maintain status. If no threat to status exists, i.e. there is no challenge from lower-status people upwards then the arrogance is not displayed. Hence the Pemberley housekeeper does not regard her master as proud because her acceptance of her status and place means she does not threaten Darcy’s social standing.
Avoiding arrogance
Moving forward 200 years we can see how more widespread social advancement on the basis of skills and achievements can generate more authentic pride. But there are still hierarchies in place and people in positions of dominant power who are inclined to protect those positions at all costs. Hence arrogance, conceit and narcissism are all still flourishing. And even if I show authentic pride in my achievements such as beating cancer twice, raising my two boys, and the knowledge and skills I have accumulated over my career, then do I still run the danger of seeming conceited and arrogant when I talk about them?
Priebe and Tongeren (2023) suggest that an antidote to arrogance is humility, which they define as “acknowledgement of one’s own limitations” together with an accurate and modest display of accomplishments that respects others’ needs. Perhaps Darcy’s problem is that he suggests that there is “nothing more deceitful than the appearance of humility”. The prosocial nature of authentic pride suggests that pride in oneself should always be tempered by the acknowledgement of the accomplishments of others. Praise of others is therefore a necessary component of positive and enhancing methods of exchange, together with authentic pride in one’s own achievements.
The role of praise in establishing psychological safety
When using verbal behaviour analysis to study meeting behaviour we note that praise plays a particular role in the level of psychological safety within a group or a team. Psychological safety is recognised as an important contributor to team effectiveness and helps with inclusion (belonging), learning (growth mindset) contributing ideas and challenging (Clark, 2020). Where praise or acknowledgement of people’s ideas is absent the level of psychological safety drops. The absence of praise for a person’s skills and talents leads to a sense of vulnerability and uncertainty about their place and value in the group, which can then trigger hubristic pride.
The importance of listening
In these same meetings we also observe relatively low levels of listening or questioning behaviour. Where people don’t feel listened to the chances are that they won’t feel valued and respected for their ideas. Arrogance comes with people who have points of view that they stubbornly cling to, but how much of this clinging on is because they don’t feel truly listened to and appreciated or heard?
If we take the time to really listen to others and appreciate their contributions, then this provides a counter-balance to our own sense of self-worth that comes from pride in our own achievements. It also contributes to the sense of having a growth mindset as those who are truly wise (Kets de Vries, 2022) know that they never know everything and that there is always something to learn.
After all, it is only when Darcy and Elizabeth really started to listen to each other that the relationship between them develops. In particular, Elizabeth’s perception of Darcy as arrogant stemmed from a lack of knowledge and understanding, and of her being too quick to judge, i.e. not take the time to listen to what he had to say.
The driver of authentic pride
If arrogance or hubristic pride comes from a place of fear, then what drives authentic pride? Perhaps we need to return to the fundamental human need to belong. Given authentic pride’s prosocial nature and focus on achieving accomplishments that are socially valuable perhaps its purpose is to enable us to really connect with others and feel a sense of strong inclusion within a group. Fundamentally, we could say that hubristic pride comes from the need to protect, and authentic pride from the need to connect.
Conclusion
For pride to be the crown of virtues, then consider the following:
- Be proud of your efforts and of your hard-won achievements, rather than your innate abilities.
- Serve up your dish of pride with a good helping of humility, by acknowledging that you are not perfect, still have lots to learn and really value the skills and strengths of others.
- Always stay curious and listen.
- See pride as a way to connect with others and support them through praise, whilst still maintaining the ability to challenge both others and yourself, without retreating to a place of fear.
If Darcy and Elizabeth could find a way to connect, given all the obstacles between them, then perhaps there is a way forward for us all. And if you and your team need help on developing a better sense of connection through authentic pride then please get in touch.
References
Austen, J. (1813). Pride and Prejudice
Bourdieu, P. (1977). Structures, habitus, power: Basis for a theory of symbolic power. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
Cheng, J. T., Tracy, J. L., & Henrich, J. (2010). Pride, personality, and the evolutionary foundations of human social status. Evolution and Human Behavior, 31(5), 334-347.
Clark, T. R. (2020). The 4 stages of psychological safety: Defining the path to inclusion and innovation. Berrett-Koehler Publishers.
Dweck, C. (2017). Mindset-updated edition: Changing the way you think to fulfil your potential. Hachette UK.
Kets de Vries, M. F. (2022). Leading wisely: becoming a reflective leader in turbulent times.
Malkin, C. (2015). The Narcissist Test: How to spot outsized egos… and the surprising things we can learn from them. HarperCollins UK.
Priebe, C., & Van Tongeren, D. R. (2023). Women pay a steeper price for arrogance: Examining presentation style, gender, and humility. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 18(1), 121-129.
Tracy, J. L., & Robins, R. W. (2007). The psychological structure of pride: a tale of two facets. Journal of personality and social psychology, 92(3), 506.
Williams, L. A., & DeSteno, D. (2008). Pride and perseverance: the motivational role of pride. Journal of personality and social psychology, 94(6), 1007.
